Emotion

There's something about seeing two people kissing, smiling, and touching that makes me feel so down.  Not because I'm against public display of affection or anything like that, but because I'm jealous that it's not me.  I have that feeling of overbearing emptiness in the pit of my stomach.  I have that pain deep in my gut that feels like a sharp knife's been driven deep down into my very core.

I'm lonely.  I admit it.  I just want to be loved.  Isn't that what everyone wants?  I need someone that I can hold.  Someone that'll make me feel useful.  Someone that'll kiss me, smile, and fall asleep next to me.  Every day I feel farther from finding that person.

What's wrong with me? Why this self doubt? Am I not good enough? Am I not strong enough? Am I not cute enough? Am I not skinny enough? Am I not smart enough? What's keeping me from being the right guy for anyone?

God, Jesus, whoever's in charge.  Send me someone, before I go insane.

New Chapters

It's been years since I've used this.  It's been years, and not only have the years changed me, but they've conditioned me to accept the negative things for what they are, ignore them, and continue toward a positive outlook.  I no longer feel the bitter angst I used to feel, but maybe more so a feeling of inspiration and a reason to believe in the more positive aspects of life, the world, and even people.  I've gone on to pursue things that I could never have dreamed I would even be attempting to pursue.  I'm now in College and I feel the strain of responsibility and the importance of morality.

Looking back on these older posts, I was a hateful, mean, cruel person.  I can't even begin to fathom how different I've become or the experiences that have molded my new personality.  I can't even begin to perceive how much the world, in my mind's eye, has changed and how much I've grown to love the people that noticed I was going down the wrong path and pushed me toward the right direction.

A few years ago I had a complete mental breakdown, and though I was in a turbulent stage in my life, I believe it really must have been for the best.  My parents were told it could possibly be a permanent thing and maybe my brain would be forever stuck a vegetable of insanity, but I came out of it stronger, smarter, wiser, and more open to the world around me than I had ever been before.  It opened my eyes to the things that were most important in this world, and I thank whatever force of nature that put me through those 4 weeks of hell at the Pscyh Ward in MUSC.

With Love,

Simple Man.

so today, like most days, sucked.  and im tired of this place so much that i think im gonna freak out.  i moved to myspace now so im probably not gonna be on here anymore.

Currently Listening See You on the Other Side By Korn Twisted Transistor see related

Today was just another boring day.  I have to hear Gina talk shit every morning about a selected person.  That's when you know something's wrong with you, when you pick one person every morning and talk shit about them to all your friends at the fuckin busstop.  She isn't so bad sometimes, but other times she fuckin pisses me off, and I'm just as bad, because I'm doin the same exact thing she does right now, at this very point in time.  FUCK!! I'm such a fuckin hypocrite! God.

Off that subject... school sucks.  Bluffton sucks.  Beaufort County sucks.  And now for your viewing pleasure a list of things describing Bluffton.

1.  Horrible drivers.  I mean Jesus fuckin Christ man, where the fuck do these people get their licenses, it ain't the fuckin DMV.

2.  Golf courses.  I hate golf courses.  They are not natural and the sport that is played on them is boring and contains a bunch of old guys chasin after a little white ball for 3 hours.

3.  Old people.  Bluffton is filled with gay old people who won't leave you the fuck alone.

4.  Nasty water.  The water that comes to the faucets of the people in Bluffton comes from the Savannah River, which is not a clean river and then you have to pay for that shit.  This is also what makes everyone around here so fuckin short.  Oh, and the Savannah River powers the Savannah Power plant.  Chew that.

5.  Wiggers.  Everyone in Bluffton thinks they're such a fuckin OG.  This contradicts itself because anyone who lives in a town that has a golf course every five miles is not in the fuckin ghetto.

I can't think of anything else, but when I do I'll put it on here.